Near BOBTown, there’s an aesthetics storefront with a printed up sign on letter-sized paper stating “WAXING 25% OFF”… there are funny jokes in there alone, but I like to push it to stand-up routine material
I was walking past an aesthetics shop and they had a sign in the window that read “BRAZILIAN WAXING 25% OFF”. I don’t know where they went to cosmetics school, but I think it’s generally known that a Brazilian should remove a lot more than just 25%”.
Okay, so I’d make a lousy comic…
Comedian and Shawn of the Dead star/co-writer Simon Pegg examines the differences in American and British humour. Most of the discussion centers on the use of irony (and Pegg ingeniously utilizes the metaphor of tea time to explain it). It also probes into television grounds which I just explored in the previous post, and has some relevance on my selections below, if after the fact.
Old Man Silver Man v. Crazy Opto Man
Ah, youtube… you bring such joy. Like local CITY TV hero Peter Silverman (a consumer advocate who investigates claims of rip-offs) squaring off against a scam artist optometrist … an encounter that escalated to police involvement (emergency task force) and made its way to CNN.
This is In Your Interest
In other strange media stories, here’s what happens when you lose the audio on your news story about Eagles… in St. Louis at least: musical hilarity ensues. It actually aired, but youtube is bringing it to the masses…
Holy craplitter, this one’s for the gang: One thousand, seven hundred plus pictures of cats…
(also via GAK)
The afro-mentioned GAK is in Japan…he’s working, but also leisurely taking in Tokyo with his monocled image capturing device. TBIT should take interest in this one in particular (and he did, I see by the comments).
Back Back Back Backtalk
In other close friend news, Ryan is blogging again after a 3 month hiatus. Recently, he had a second back surgery and a 3-month stay in the hospital to recoup. Coincidence?
Ryan recounts his stay in this post which is both enlightening and really funny. He’s a remarkable guy.
Okay, so the two guys who were arrested for the “terror scare” in Boston held a press conference after their first court hearing last week, and in vein of really sticking it to media they refused to discuss the incident (on the advice of their lawyer), instead asking the press only for questions about “hair in the 1970’s”. The press, of course, were getting pretty angry.. and the press, of course, are actually responsible for generating the mass panic, not the urban marketers who put the signs up.
Quote: “What was it like to spend last night in jail?”
Quote: “That’s not a hair question, sorry.”
Fox News has the story but here’s the full raw footage of the conference.
My only annual tradition for the holidays (slightly modified but originally blogged Dec 24, 2004):
About 12 years ago I popped a tape into the tape deck and pressed record. On the radio Brent Bambury was kicking off a Christmas themed Brave New Waves. This recorded document was duplicated and given to my amigo GAK, who agreed that this was probably the best Christmas mixed tape ever (he’s right you know).
In the years since the internet and mp3 explosion I’ve been attempting to track down all the songs on the now well-worn mix tape to make a cd replica of. I’ve been somewhat successful, but considering how many rarities, records and made-for-radio elements were played I’m almost certain that I’ll never find a decent digital replica of everything.
What’s a guy to do?
Well, here’s what, plug a tape player into the computer and press record on the digital button. I tried this back in 2000 but the technology wasn’t ready for me, but now… now… (well, 2004)
The result is, after a decade, the first and still only, as I know it, digital copy of the performance comedy duo Star Wars Theatre’s rendition of Dr. Seuss’ “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas”
(to do a Google search for Star Wars Theatre and Grinch and the only reference is one of my own webpages).
This has been a Christmas staple for me. It’s not the holidays until I listen to this recording. Tragedy struck last year (2003) when my copy of The Tape got ruined in the back seat of a now deceased car. But GAK came to the rescue, providing me with a mega cool retro mixed tape this XMas (2004), complete with side one of that old tape. (The sad thing is I now have no tape deck to play these things on).
So without further bubbling here it is, presented to all of you:
The Grinch Who Stole Christmas by Star Wars Theatre, an MP3. (only 25 downloads available… if it run out leave me a comment and I’ll re-post it)
Apparently Stephen Colbert’s put me On Notice
Don’t feel left out, though, you too can be on Stephen’s “On Notice” list.
(from GAK in Estonia… check out the funky records)
James Brown’s Celebrity Hot Tub… classic Eddie Murphy SNL, laugh those blues away.
“You can’t make friends with worms.”
It works on so many levels.
Can one not befriend a worm?
Or is it that you cannot gain a friendship through giving someone worms?
Or perhaps you cannot build a new friend out of worms…
Or perhaps you cannot make a new friend who has worms
Or perhaps if one was picking cherries from their tree out in their back yard only to realize 90 minutes and two full buckets later that all the cherries are worm ridden that perhaps bringing them into work and giving them to the neighbours is probably not the best way at winning their friendship, appreciation and gratitude.
We came up with a new euphamism for using the facilities tonight:
Going to see the strongman
If you’re wondering the etymology of this phrase I shall tell you…(It’s kinda funny but also kind dry in the retelling so you may want to move along to the next post about shaving…) We were sitting down to a post-movie drink and a meal, me sandwiched between Marmy and Metro, L across from me and Toast beside her. I made a snappy comment to a stupid question and L was getting ready to kick me, but thought twice about it, since if she missed she would hit Metro square in the knee. Metro, already having a bum knee after messing it up during practice, doesn’t need further aggrivation to his wound, and if it’s the other knee, well, L joked “we’d have to carry him home”.
“Hell, no,” I said, “we’ll let him wiggle along behind us like the torso man from Tod Browning’s Freaks”
“How did the torso man go to the bathroom” Toast questioned, like he’d long put some thought into the question.
“Well I’d imagine he’d just go on the pot like everyone else,” and we debated 1930’s carney bathroom topics for a little bit, when Toast offered up this:
“Do you think maybe the strongman would hold him up?” and he made a motion with his hand as if the strong man would pick him up by his skull.
“Where do you think those five divots in his head came from?”
And immediately thereafter I had to go to the washroom, or as we say, I had to “go see the strongman”
And that’s the, I’m sure, very un PC story of the world’s latest potty euphamism.
A solid 6 hours of sleep. It’s Saturday, why am I up already?
calcified stone baby [made incredibly geeky "stone armor tanker" joke]
This is a fetus that was never delivered and because of the body began to calcify it to protect itself, or something.
Also called a lithopedion
Yo-yos were orginally created as a weapon in the Philippines… or maybe not exactly.
(crib from Wikipedia)
Contrary to popular myth, there is no evidence that the yo-yo is derived from, nor even existed in any form intended for use as a weapon. While the impact generated by a yo-yo could indeed be rendered deadly with the addition of sharpened edges, the difficulty of safely retrieving it would render such a device somewhat impractical. This rumor likely originated in the Philippines, where hunters in the 16th century used sharp rocks with strings attached to kill prey from trees. The development of the modern yo-yo began in the Philippines at around this time, which is probably the source of the confusion.
Real-Time Movies, or movies that run 1 minute of story per 1 minute of screen time:
(they say that the tv show “24″ does this, but seeing as I don’t watch the show and knowing that standard “hour long” tv shows only run 42-46 minutes, I’m inclined to think “24″ is really only, like, “17.5″)
Nick Of Time (1995) Johnny Depp, Christopher Walken
Miracle Mile (1986) Anthony Edwards (the first 20 minutes aren’t)
High Noon (1952) Gary Cooper, Lloyd Bridges
Rope (1948) dir. Alfred Hitchcock, James Stewart
Timecode (2000) dir. Mike Figgis,
Russian Ark (2002)
Running TIme (1997) Bruce Campbell
Cleo from 5 to 7 (1961) (French: Cléo de 5 à 7)
Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974) Walter Matthau
Two Girls and a Guy (1997) Heather Graham, Robert Downey Jr.
Fail-Safe (1964) Remade for TV by Stephen Frears and George Clooney in 2000 and performed live
What Happened Was… (1994)
My Dinner With Andre (1981) Wallace Shawn, Andre Gregory
Run Lola Run (1998) retells the same 20 minutes of story in near-real time three times
Rabid Dogs (1974) dir. Mario Bava
The Set-Up (1949) dir. Robert Wise
Andy Warhol’s Empire (1964) 8 hours of one shot of the Empire State Building. Wee
I can only imagine how many needles this guy wrecked in making this little project:
10 Banned Albums Burned Then Played
Multimedia maestro John Oswald creates art out of things that may already be considered art, and has been doing so for decades. His Plunderphonics project is legendary for the copyright infringement court cases it inspired and for his innovative “recontextualizing” modern music (he was doing “mash-ups” back in the 70’s with a spools of audio ribbon, scissors, and some scotch tape).
Negativland is a group of classified individuals doing much of the same thing, only with more of a left-wing anti-consumerist nature. Their projects are as much message as decon/reconstructionism.
Similarly, British cut-n-taper Chris Morris is equally, if not further left wing. But he’s also the most public, hosting radio shows as well as BBC investigative journalism series. There’s a Michael Moore-ish humourous bent, but he’s perhaps not as direct, and less loudmouthy for sure.
Recent blogfodder from Morris explains how interesting the words people say are, and how easily they can be taken out of context (or in this case, with the Puppet, actually reintroducing context to them). Warp Records releases Morris’ audio work and provides these samples:
An mp3 file of a recontextualized Bush speech
A different speech recontextualized, seemlessly cut video
On that same bent, here’s a real video file from Mike Nourse which exemplifies the Bush doctrine of repetition of buzz words while speech-giving. Fascinating.
From dozer’s blog (via Res
It’s baaa-aack. The old winter waistband has returned.
You know, that extra bit of pudge you get around your belly and hips (and a little on the lower back) as your body transitions between the active light days and the inactive heavy days (wow, that totally sounds like menstrual talk). In my case, winter hit and I stopped biking, and I’ve yet to find that winter activity that will take its place (and after three weeks of non-activity things begin to… settle).
Yeah, despite my reduction in eating, my rock-hard abdomen is now reached only through a thin layer of softness… snuggly softness to be sure, but softness nonetheless.
Oh, and by “rock-hard” I mean sort of that dry-sponge firmness.
I looked up “winter waistband” on google and apparently nobody’s coined the term yet. We’ll see if it catches on.
A very excited person by the name of “Melissa” stumbled upon a post of my from a while back about TVOntario kids shows from the 80’s. I think that post has now officially accumulated the most comments out of any of my posts.
People love those shows. There should be a station dedicated just to retro kids shows, like Noggin only Canadian.
I’m still wondering, although not a kids show, what that tv show on TVO was with that robot who was learning to speak English, with the actress from Strange Brew as his roommate. It was kinda like Perfect Strangers only it was trying to teach you English, instead of charming you with Balkie’s Meposian innocence.
It’s becoming more and more distressing to me the way email communication is progressing. Spam filters are becoming so varied and tight that when you send an email you’re never sure if the person got it. Or perhaps they got it and their reply got busted by your own spam filter. Or perhaps they got it but just don’t like you anymore and won’t write back.
Or maybe you’ve just got way too much time on your hand to sit and wait for someone to respond to email… everyone’s not as immediate as you are and you’re hardly immediate at all. Take a lesson buckshot.
(cribbed from an email to The Bored Astronaut)
Steal All You Can Motherfuckers
Ann Coulter and Tucker Carlson on Canada.
The sad part is there are many more people in the US who think this way and/or will believe the shit these pretentious arrogant jackasses spew fourth from their gaping, slackjawed maws.
I’ve been privvy to this kind of thinking before and it’s always unsettling. That whole “we allow you to exist” mindset is the exact kind of attitude that has 90% of the world looking at the US in disgust. If anything shoud have been learned from 9/11, it should have been humility. Any time there’s a tragedy, people always say “why did this happen”… but they never find out the reason behind “why”, only the “how”. So instead of changing things to eliminate the why (ie better foreign policy, a group shift in attitude about the US’s place in the world, cooperation instead of conquering) the US Gov’t have tried to abort the how (tighter security, paranoia, xenophobia, insular thinking). Some people are just too stupid to understand the lesson.
art by Frank Cho from wNoodle
TV on DVD
I’m addicted to TV on DVD.
I ploughed through the entire Aqua Teen Hunger Force volume 3 yesterday and the second disk of Space Ghost Coast To Coast volume 2 (hence my enjoyment of the pic above), and I ate up disk one of Buffy season 3. I’m making headway. But I’ve got to devour more soon because there’s lots more on its way:
Scrubs is coming in first quarter of 2005 but when… *meshrug*
Apparently, though, on a recent broadcasted episode Turk had his cellphone number changed to 1-800-CALL-TURK which apparently you can call. You will often just get a prerecorded message but every now and again someone from the cast or crew will actually pick up. How cool is that?
TVShowsOnDVD has a report
I didn’t realize that Lost was being written with Paul (Batman The Animated Series) Dini at the head of the table, and with Alias’ JJ Abrams behind the show. I’m going to have to give it a chance…on DVD. I love you DVD.
Listen to God people, s/he knows what s/he’s talking about
You may or may not have seen this by now, but apparently KRYPTONITE bike locks with the circular key are capable of being picked with a BIC pen
Here’s a video of the procedure… and another… and a blog about it.
Now, add to the fact that I had my rear light stolen a month ago, my front light actually fell off (and promptly was run over by a car) the next day, and now I need to buy a new bike lock… jesus.
Sure it looks like it takes a bit of twisting to get that BIC to flick the lock, but it still takes only 20 seconds for him to open the damn thing. Oi.
This week’s issue of the multimedia extravaganza that is CBC Radio 3 features the amazing work of Carlos and Jason Sanchez.
Their images are clever and sometimes disturbing, and also incredibly meticulous, sometimes taking moths to prepare.
Click either of the links above to see their fantastic work. The Baptism is amazing, but this one, entitled “Descent”, is my favourite. Gorgeous.
The full size image (click the pic) makes an awesome wallpaper.
US Military Clears A*Team of Charges
photo and story copyright 2004, Onion, Inc.