geekent’s stuff’n things

Liz! writes in a Carrie Bradshaw-esque style stopping short of writing the mandatory question, in this case “is chivalry dead?”
To top it off, I read Accordion Guy’s post which spawned Liz’s post, discussing “who makes the first move” ending with the kicker cliche “Boys.Are.Pussies.”
Okay, so here’s what bothers me.
I’ve heard this before from women who are very strong-willed and smart. I wouldn’t call them feminists but they’re definitely modern women in thought and in life.
“But yes”, they say, “let’s get rid of all the historical sexist bullshit that men put on women”, for which I agree, and yet these same women don’t want to get rid of “chivalry” which is the same old oudmoded, sexist thinking, just a bit more advantageous for them.
To me the expectation of a man making the first move is the same as catcalls from construction workers. It’s an obsolete way of thinking… or it should be.
Women want an equal playing field in life, as they should be entitled to, so thus shouldn’t men also have an equal playing field in love? Can’t men succumb to a woman’s initiative? Can’t men say “not tonight dear, I’ve got a headache” for once?
The answer is yes, but it’s not the norm. “Gender stereotyping” is what I’ve heard it often called - the expectations thrust upon you because of your penis, or lack thereof… and though decades of feminism have tried to obliterate sexism on one end, the general modern man is still attempting to sustain the crotch scratching, beer drinking, womanizing ideologies that their fathers and grandfathers instilled on the other end. Metrosexual trends be damned, women still want their men to be “tall, dark and handsome”, just, but they want to get taken out to dinner and wear the pants too.
When it comes to ‘who asks out whom’, Liz hits the nail on the head:

Nowadays, men seem to have lost their balls so to speak when it comes to going after what they want. Are men afraid of rejection just as much as women are? Or are they afraid of crossing that invisible line into sexual harassment territory? Because, let’s face it, people have to tread a fine line these days when it comes to the opposite sex.

The answers to those questions are No. Yes. and Yes.
When it comes to what men want, well, some of us have advanced to not just think about work, sports and sex. We actually think about our emotions (some he-man woman haters, like Dave Sim call it the “part-chick”-ifying of America), men feel as much as women do about things. We are those “sensitive males” women say they want… yes, we are just as afraid of rejection of women are… but Jesus, just like women men get confused about the “gender roles” they’re supposed to play.
Women get confused about the historically defenseless, come-save-me role from the past (fairy tales) and the aggressive feminist role of today. Men get confused by the historically stoic, man’s man role from the past and the sensitive male role of today. Knowing which role to step into and finding balance between them is difficult at best.
And yeah, sexual harassment and other legal issues are yet another factor in the whole messy equation. How many assault suits filed against men by women are chalked up to “misread signals”. I’m in no way justifying it, but I’m using it as a point… guys can’t ever be sure of the signals they’re getting anymore.
And it doesn’t help that modern fashion is all about permanently displaying sexual cues (makeup was generally created to falsely enhance facial features in a manner that suggest what happens naturally when aroused, much clothing is designed to flaunt elements used to titillate, natural pheremones are masked by soaps and perfumes) so that men can’t actually identify them when they’re there.
It’s all one big mess, and it’s nowhere near as simple as “men are pussies”.
If women want to wait for a man to claim them (as it was pretty much done in the old days) then they can expect to wait some time and/or have a string of shitty relationships with men who will do exactly that: make them property.
Relationships of any lasting value are rarely immediate, and sometimes relationships that have longevity aren’t even the right ones (I’m speaking from experience here). There’s no right answer, except that, sometimes, when it feels right, someone has to make the first move… and sometimes you shouldn’t wait for that move to be made.
And, women, expect some men to be intimidated by you making the first move, and thus rejecting you. Trust me, at some point in their life, they will regret it, if that makes you feel any better.