A friend of mine did something really stupid yesterday, something that I wholly didn’t agree with and something I certainly couldn’t support. He premeditated a break-up with his live-in girlfriend, leaving her with little indication beforehand that it would happen. I knew of his plan to leave but I never did speak to him directly. I fed my opinions through his brother instead.
You see, I’ve done shit like that before. Once. It’s quite possibly the worst thing I’ve ever done to someone. I spent a month trying to figure out how I was going to get out of a relationship, out of an engagement (this was the first one, back in 2000), and out of a life I was unhappy with. What I basically came down with was a plan to pack up and move out and hopefully not have to deal with any of the repercussions of leaving. I thought that it would be easier if I just left, but it was only easier for me.
So one day I dropped her off at work, took the day off from my job, and packed up all my stuff and moved it over to my Aunt’s place. I wanted to just abandon her, maybe leave a note, and just get out, but after a few phonecalls to friends and family I realized I couldn’t do that. I picked her up from work, told her we should go somewhere to talk, and she asked “why can’t we go home?”
“Because it’s not my home anymore.”
Tears, sobbing, the “why”, the “oh god” and all of that. She said “Take me home. We’ll go talk there. You owe it to me.”
She was right, I did.
And we went back to the apartment, shelves bare and an incomplete sensibilty to the place. We talked, and there were tears on both ends, and I felt like a complete and utter asshole because I thought the worst of her up until that point, but everything she said made her out to be a much better person. That wasn’t her point, she didn’t try and convince me, it was just my observation. A week or two later I got a call at work, and we met up and talked and she agreed that breaking up was undoubtedly the best thing for either of us, that we were both extremely unhappy and both unable to admit it. Another week later I moved back home, she came and saw me off, having bought me, essentially a break-up present. It was very classy. More class than I likely deserved.
We emailed each other frequently for a time, just hammering out what had happened in the relationship, performing an autopsy on it to find out what went wrong. It was a learning period and a growth period and one of the most introspective and developmentally progressive points of my life. The one thing she said that has always stuck with me was “Promise me you wont ever do that to someone else again.” It was probably because she highlighted that it was probably the biggest lesson I could learn out of the whole thing. That leaving like I did was humiliating, disrespectful, and devastating to her, and it was utterly selfish and cowardly. And I promised.
So my friend was in a similar boat, although not exactly the same. I won’t get into the issues, but let’s just say she was/is more in love with him than he was ever capable of giving back to her, and he knew it. I love my friend, he’s like family, but I’m so angry at him right now. My love for him won’t change but I can’t help but question his character right now.
Worst of all, I feel like I dropped the ball on supporting him last night. He wound up after leaving his girlfriend stranded at the bus station in Toronto. Now I was out having drinks and good conversation with a friend so I wasn’t totally able to do anything at that moment, but in all honesty I did get receive the voice-mail message while I was out and I had no earthly idea what to do with it. Do I enact tough love and let him stew in his situation for a while and really think about what he’s done? Or do I give unconditional love and run to the rescue?
I’ve simplified my dilemma, because it’s improper of me to really speak to certain details. Let’s just say that in the end its resolution was out of my hands I was kind of glad for how that happened, although I’m extremely unhappy about the situation overall. It’s not even my life, so why do I feel so bad. Oh empathy, how you scorn me!
the Ha Has
I found myself a grinning face in the crowd of the Alt.Comedy Lounge at the Rivoli on Monday for new material night. The lineup was loaded with great comics presenting new and untested material, some of my favourites were slated to perform, and as usual, the unexpected expected jump-ons were there as well. Sadly, Sean Cullen didn’t show as was advertised, but there was a lot of other comedy going around.
My favourite line of the evening came from John Dory (whom astute eTalk Daily watchers will recognize from Canadian Idol, but don’t hold that against him)
“Stereotypes are funny because they hurt people.”
Dory had one of the highlight performances of the evening, closing off his set with an absolutely spectacular bit involving forgetting the punch line (he suckered us in like cows into the abbetoir). The Doo-Wops were easily the biggest crowd pleasers with their catchy and innocent and upbeat songs, and yet rather vulgar lyrics (”Asshole Haircut” and “Wake Me Up With A Blowjob”). They have a great stage presence and a brilliant sense of interaction.
They recorded the evening for radio, although I have no indication of for which station and when it will be broadcasting.
SILLY THINGS TO DO
by me, 30.11.05
The next time you’re out shopping for Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanzaa/Festivus presents (socks), make note of where the phone is in each store (often sitting on top of the counter beside the cash register, or in large department stores, on a random support beam). When you see such phones and no one is looking, take the phone off the hook and start rotating it so that the cord gets all knotted and twisted. When it is sufficiently so, write a post-it note stating “Vindicated!” and stick it on the phone. You may wish to prep a stack of post-its ahead of time.
2 minutes, $800
After 2 hours of perusing Ikea and coming out virtually emptyhanded (just one little shelving rack for the bathroom), I just dropped $800 on a new bed/mattress ordered on-line. I’m not sure if I’ll regret this in the morning or not. But if I keep waking up on the futon with my back as sore as it’s been then I probably won’t regret it. Especially after tomorrow night when I actually get to sleep on it. Providing everything is in stock. And everything doesn’t get botched up. Or damaged in transit. Or I don’t miss the delivery when I get stuck in transit on the way home from work. Or the site that I used was just an ikea spoof site and now I’ve been identity thieved.
After my month in a super high quality real bed (10 minutes walk from work, remember? Good times) I’ve decided I can’t go back to futon mattresses. Well, I could. And I have. But I’m a princess. Pretty as a pony. And I needs my beauty sleeps.